Those I care about criticize me relentlessly on who I am, how I dress, anything they can think of. Don't they think I get enough of that already? Pressuring, forcing me to tell them what happened months ago - They can't know, I won't let them know. I haven't the strength to tell. And what would I tell them? He doesn't remember doing it to me?

I do my work, I forgive, I speak kindly and yet they insult me after an attempt of rape upon me. I care not for their intentions, their actions are cruel. Surely they know that if they squeeze too hard - I'll only slip further and further away from them. Make me resent them more and more.

I struggle with my own emotions tonight, I hear their words echo in my head and worse yet I can't defend myself.

Today I unlace my corset and unzip my boots, slipping into the murky soaped waters of the bath. Praying to cleanse my mind of troubles for one night.

I'm a damaged mind in an all too fragile body - I would trade this pale skinned form for one that could punch and hurt, one that could not bruise after a single hit any day.

Though I am no stranger to pain, I've been beaten.

Where has your voice retreated to, my dearest? I gaze upon your mementos and reach out for your guidance. You always are able to soothe me with your words, advise me. Return to me soon, I pray you will solace me once more.

I ask the question I asked yesterday - Why me?

Must I always bow down to what society expects of me?

I see my sunrise. But for now I must face my dusk.